


When The Lights Go Out

by Dark_Wings_Of_Imagination



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-01-10 17:52:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Wings_Of_Imagination/pseuds/Dark_Wings_Of_Imagination
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m sorry you had to go through all this alone.”[...]<br/>“I’m used to it[...]” the mayor answered, not really willing to accept the sheriff’s sentiments.<br/>Emma had sensed the dismissal on the brunette’s tone, but she didn't give up, she would be there for Regina, would the woman want it or not, “You don’t have to be alone, anymore". - TW graphical rape, suicidal thought, violence and language -</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Night All Angels Cry

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my new SQ fiction. It was inspired - and in a few moments based on, too - by two songs: "Boy and The Ghost" by Tarja Turunen and "Twin Flames" by Epica.It's placed sometime after 'Queen Of Hearts' although there's no Neal nor Cora and Hook getting to Storybrooke. But the first 4 chapters though are a background of Emma and Regina's life before Storybrooke.
> 
> It'll something like maybe 5-6 chapters, and I'll try to post it once a week but I don't promise anything!
> 
> I really hope you guys like it!

**When The Lights Go Out**

Author: Dark Wings Of Imagination

Beta: Ryl

Genre: Drama/Romance

Rating: M

Summary: Emma Swan and Regina Mills. Two women haunted by their pasts that find in each other the most unlikely source of comfort. Rated 'M' for graphical rape, suicidal thoughts, violence and language.

**Chapter 1 – The Night All Angels Cry**

The screams echoed through the house causing the girl to jolt awake from her sleep, as the sounds became louder, she ran to the bedroom's wardrobe and hid inside. She had never feared darkness, for it was her only refuge when she needed to run from her abusive 'Mom' or 'Dad'.

Emma Swan was fourteen years old, but had more life experience than many adults do. In her short life the little blonde girl was tossed away, from foster home to foster home. Unfortunately she never seemed to be lucky enough to end up in a good foster home, the ones where she had lived previously either had too many kids - and because of that she almost starved to death - or the foster parents were extremely abusive, just like the one she happened to be in.

For years she had hoped someone would come and save her from whatever hellish 'home' she was in – and dare she even hope that maybe the people to come and rescue her would be her real parents. They would tell her they were sorry and that they had never meant to abandon her, it was just that at the time she was born they couldn't keep her but now they could, and they would all live happily ever after. She just wanted someone to rescue her from the nightmare that her life was, but no one ever came, and after some time she just stopped believing they ever would.

As she sat inside the wardrobe she could hear the heavy footsteps of the father getting closer and closer to the bedroom. Her heartbeat rapidly increased, her palms began sweating and her insides began to tremble.

The tall man flung the door open; anyone within a mile radius could smell the strong scent of cheap whiskey and vodka. The alcohol in his system made it harder to walk straight, causing him to trip over his own feet a few times. Unlike his limbs, his vision worked perfectly and once he searched the room and didn't find the small blonde right away he went mad.

"Where are you?" he yelled and waited for an answer. When none came he asked it again, getting angrier by the second. Once more no sound could be heard other than his own heavy breathing and footsteps.

"Where the fuck are you?" he kept asking, as he moved around the bedroom.

' _Please, don't let him find me. Please don't'_  Emma repeated it over and over like a mantra in her mind as she heard his unsure movements get closer and louder as he approached the wardrobe door. For a moment there was silence and she dared to think he had given up and went away, but he didn't... He never did, and before she could react the door was yanked open and she was pulled out of there.

"So you thought you could hide from me, your little whore?" he said as she threw her against the nearest wall, causing her to hit her head and fall down to the floor.

He bent down and grabbed a fistful of blonde hair as he pulled her up and threw her onto the bed.

"You thought I would go to sleep tonight without having a little taste of you?" his slurred words echoed through the bedroom as he clumsily began running his hands over her small body.

"No. Please, not tonight!" Emma begged as his hands stopped right between her legs, forcing them open.

She continued to cry and begged him not to continue as he slowly undressed her - first her panties and then her night gown.

Her cries were both driving him mad with sickening desire for her and irritating him to no end.

Without warning she felt a strong fist connect with her white porcelain skin, and there was no way of quieting the yell of pain which left her mouth.

"Shut up!" He yelled at her delivering one more painful punch at her face. This time she did her best not to scream.

As she finally quieted down, he unzipped his pants and threw his boxers away; climbing on top of her he forcefully kissed her as one hand moved to one of her breasts and the other grabbed at her hair, pulling it so hard she was sure it was being yanked from her scalp.

She could feel his hands everywhere on her body, the tip of his hardened member every now and then making contact with her center, the feeling made her nauseous. She just wished she could disappear before it got worse.

The more displeased she looked, the more turned on he got and when he finally got tired of his foreplay, he spread her legs impossibly wider and with one single painful move he penetrated her, making her scream in agony - thought if anyone asked him he would say it was a yell of pleasure.

"I know you want this! I know you spent the entire day waiting for me to get home to fuck you, to make you cum so hard you'd think you're high."

His words made Emma even more nauseous and her want to vomit just kept growing. As she felt bile raising her throat for millionth time that night she pushed it down, for she knew it would be even worse if she happened to puke on him.

For someone who was drunk his movements were quite steady and the painful expression on the small blonde's face just made him ride her with more conviction, transforming his fast short moves into long and more aching ones.

After what seemed like forever he finally reached his climax and came while still inside the girl. Once he was finished with her he clambered off the bed, grabbed his clothes, and left as if nothing had happened.

Emma lay still on the bed, she couldn't bear to move as the pain between her legs was excruciating. Her head was throbbing and the nausea still hadn't gone away, if anything, the desire to vomit was growing. She felt as if she had gone to hell and back – and in all honesty, she had. The tears were making their way down her face and dripping onto the bed. She didn't know how much of this she could take.

As another wave of nausea hit her she managed to turn on her side to at least not vomit on the bed. Her vision began blurring, and as the nausea began decreasing, her throbbing head only worsened as well as the aching between her legs. Her body was in so much pain she thought she'd die – and maybe, she thought, it would have been better if she had.

The torturous increasing pain eventually led her to unconsciousness, and it was the only reason the girl managed to get some sleep that night.

 


	2. A Hell You Can't Undo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there,
> 
> I'm sorry it took me so long, but y'know, life's a bitch! Anyway, I want to thank all of you who read, put it under alerts and reviewed this story, so far. Thanks, really. I have to be honest now and say that the next chapter won't be here soon, because school has been driving me CRAZY, and I have tons of final exams to do, so I'll leave you guys with this, but I promise to be back ASAP!
> 
> XXXX...
> 
>  
> 
> Dark Wings...

 

**Chapter 2 – A Hell You Can't Undo**

In another time and realm a frightened girl laid on her bed trying to muffle her sobs, even though she knew it was to no avail and she was sure her mother could hear her crying.

Regina Mills was a fifteen year old girl whom wished for nothing more than to be able to please her mother and be able to gain the slightest of affection and love from the older woman, but the poor girl just couldn't get it right – at least not in her mother's vision.

All of her young years were spent giving all of her attention to her parents. With her father she didn't have anything to complain about – at least not on the love subject, that is. Henry Mills tried his very best to show his daughter that she was loved and if he had to be honest he tried to love his little girl enough so it could apply for his wife as well.

Cora Mills was a whole other type of parent, let's say. She had always expected and demanded her daughter to be the best in everything she did, and if the girl didn't reach her mother's expectations, well, things sure weren't pretty around the Mills household.

Henry did his best to try and protect his child – for you see, he may not have been the best father, he came to that conclusion later in his life, but he sure did love his daughter and wished to keep her away from any harm – sadly, he just could not seem to talk his wife out of her abusive ways. He did try, for many years, though. Their arguments about it only seemed to have worse consequences upon Regina, and so one day he just gave up. After that, on the days that mother and daughter would have lessons together he would leave the house in the morning just before they could begin and would only return late at night when he was sure they were finished. What he didn't know that was by doing so he made his little girl think he lost his faith on her and even worse, it made her lose her faith on him.

When Cora and Henry married he was the heir of the Nightshade Kingdom's throne, unfortunately after many wars were fought and mass bloodshed, the kingdom was extinct. The fall of said kingdom hit the couple hard but Cora was by far the most affected by it. Since, she decided, she could no longer be a queen anymore she expected her only daughter to be one. The greatest one. Therefore she named the girl Regina - 'for one day she'll be a Queen', those were her exact words once the child was born.

Regina's entire childhood consisted of lessons after lessons on how to be a perfect lady and as she got older the lessons only princesses got were incorporated into hers. What her mother didn't understand, though, was that the little brunette never wanted to be a princess, let alone a queen.

She tried to explaining it to Cora but the only thing the woman did was let out a single grunt and went back to her reading, she tried again to gain her mother's attention and on her third attempt it worked, only it would have been better if it didn't.

Once the witch heard what her daughter had to say, anger consumed all of her. After all she had done how could that girl say she didn't want to be any of what she was offering? Immediately her hand turned into the air and before Regina could have prepared herself she felt her back rage as if it was on fire.

"Mother, please, stop. It hurts", the girl cried to the woman who did nothing but continue to torture her own daughter.

"After all I've done for you, how  _dare_  you say to me you don't  _want_  to be a queen? Let me tell you something, for as long as you live here you'll do as I tell you to and I don't want to hear the slightest objection from you!"

Regina's face contorted in pain as the burning feeling increased and her mother continued talking.

"You have to understand, my dear, that I only want the best for you. You know you don't want to live like this forever. You deserve much more than this simple life. You were born to be a queen; didn't you know you can't play against fate? I know sometimes I can be quite strict to you, but believe me, one day, when you're sitting on your throne you'll think back your past and you'll thank me for doing what was needed for you to have everything you shall ever need."

At that, Cora finally stopped her magic and Regina gasped for air as she fell to her knees.

"Now, go. Tomorrow your lessons begin earlier than usual, you'll need to rest."

The older woman simply dismissed her as if nothing had happened and went back to her previous activity. The brunette did as she was told and made her way back to her chambers, albeit with great difficulty.

As she lay down, her mother's words echoed in her mind. She still couldn't understand how someone who claimed to only have her best interests at heart could be able of causing, inflicting, that much pain.

She wished she could just disappear, run to the farthest place she could and never go back again and maybe then she would be free to be whoever she desired. Anything to keep her mother from making her into a carbon copy of herself.

Or perhaps, she considered a moment after - knowing her wish was unlikely to come to ever be true - she could use an easier way out. A way that would surely free her of the agonies and pains of life.

Death.

The word rang out in her mind for many minutes, it even drove her to look for anything sharp enough to cut through her skin and into her veins, but before she could allow herself to dwell on that thought any longer, she came back to her senses and willed the dark thoughts from her head. Though, it stayed as a distance echo.

Still not sure about what to do about her miserable life – with some fragments of her deadly wonders still present - and haunted by the night's events, Regina eventually fell into a restless sleep filled with only her worst nightmares.


	3. The Sky Is Bleeding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know how long it will take for next chapter, although since I'm on vacation don't think it will take as long as this.
> 
> Also, thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, followed and add to favorites. It really means a lot.
> 
> Beta-ed by: Ryl
> 
> Xxxxx...
> 
> Dark Wings...

 

**Chapter 3 – The Sky Is Bleeding**

" _If only I had been more careful"_ was the only thing in her mind right before reaching for the sharp object.

The small rectangular blade cut through pale white skin easily, ruining a once soft and pure piece of epithelium. As the blood began slowly make its appearance upon the marred wrist the blade was finally put aside and the previously silent bathroom was filled with the sounds of the young girl's cries.

The girl felt completely lost. She did not know where to go or what to do. Her life was a mess and there was nothing she could think of to make it better, make it right. Of course she knew she wouldn't find the answers she wanted within the blade, but it was helpful – in its own twisted kind of way.

She knew it wouldn't heal the pain and it would only feel good for so long, eventually scarring her for life, but she also knew this was the punishment she deserved for not being able to take care of her child. Her little baby boy. The one she'd never get to meet because of one small miniscule careless moment of joy.

-XXX-

_Once she was finally home Emma ran to her room and locked the door behind her. Sitting on the bed she took the folders of her purse and stared at them. She just couldn't believe that those ultrasound pictures were of her baby. A little but healthy five month old fetus._

" _Daniel", Emma breathed the name as it set on her mind. Daniel Swan would be his name._

_That was it._

_She still remembered how shocked and scared she had been when she found out she was pregnant. And she had all the reasons for such, after all she was a fourteen year old with no job, no degree and an orphan whom got pregnant after being raped by her current foster father._

_It took her a good month and a half to find a job that would pay her a decent salary, it wouldn't cover the whole pre-natal treatments but if she saved a part of it she could at least pay for an ultrasound in the future, and the rest of it she would use to buy the essentials for a baby - diapers and such._

_As scared and afraid as she was, she still promised herself she would do her very best to take care of her baby. Her best and nothing less. He may have not been conceived in a time or way she would have preferred but she wouldn't put him under the risk of going through the same hell she went through for all those years._

_Still trapped in that excuse of a home was not what she had been planning for her nor for her baby, but she had to, at least just until she could find another roof to put above their heads. Meanwhile she had to do her best to try to hide her pregnancy and job from her foster parents._

_And for as far as she had gone it had worked up pretty well, actually, but life – call it fate, destiny, universe or whatever you want to – had never really been on Emma's side, and on that day in which she went home internally celebrating the fact it was everything okay with her little guy, the young girl had been proven how hard on her the world intended to be._

_While still sitting on the bed, solely focused on the ultra-sonograms' photos, she forgot all about the rest of the world, and when she realized she shouldn't be so careless it was already too late and her once locked door had already been forced open and 'Daddy Dearest' had already stumbled his way inside._

" _Why the fuck didn't you answer me when I called you?"_

_He yelled at her, his face near enough she could smell the heavy scent of alcohol in his breath._

" _I'm sorry, I didn't hear you" she answered looking him in the eyes, in the vain attempt to not let him see the images on the bed._

" _What is this? Don't you tell me you're pregnant, you little whore."_

_His words were slurred but as angry as he had ever sounded._

" _Who have you been fucking, huh? Tell me!"_

_He had moved closer and was only a few inches away from her, the fire in his eyes scared the poor girl, whom answered crying "No one but you has ever touched me! This baby is yours!"_

" _Liar"_

_It was the only thing said before a fist came in contact with her face. Within seconds she could feel the stinging pain on her cheek but she tried to ignore it as she made an attempt at running. If anything it only infuriated him more and pulling her by the hair he threw her against the nearest wall. As she collided with the solid surface she could feel the blood behind her head and it took all of her strength to not fall into unconsciousness._

" _Now tell me who the fuck is this kid's father?"_

" _I already said it is you" Emma managed to let out._

" _You're sticking with this lie? Oh, well, I don't want another bastard living under the same roof I do"_

_Once he finished speaking it didn't take more than three seconds for Emma to feel his feet kicking her in the abdomen. She begged him to stop, but it was no use, he continued kicking her and when she was almost passing out from the pain he grabbed her by her arms and threw her on the bed. The action was enough to have her trying to fight him back._

" _No, please, no"_

_She begged as she tried to free herself from his vicious grip, but it didn't work._

" _Shut up"_

_He yelled at her as he climbed on top of her. Ripping of her dress and panties and taking of his own pieces of clothing, he entered her without previous announcement._

_The last thing Emma saw before blacking out was his face as he continually raped her._

…

_When she eventually woke up many hours later that same day, she couldn't even move. Her entire body was beaten and bruised. But not only that, she felt different, as if something had been taken away from her and it was then she realized she had lost her baby, her Daniel._

_As it downed on her, tears began to make their way down her face and she easily let them take over her, eventually falling into a sound sleep._

_-_ XXX-

Once she was able to chase away the memories of the day she lost her son, her wrist had already stopped bleeding and all that was left of the pain she inflicted upon herself was a small tingling on her skin. Feeling even guiltier than before remembering the horrible happening, she reached for the blade one more time that night.

As she forced the blade deeper in her skin she was well aware of what could happen if she got it inside her skin enough to hit a vein, but if she were to be honest at the moment she didn't care and if anything she felt more than ready to welcome Death.

_**Four years later** _

The eighteen year old blonde sat alone inside her cell trying to process the news she had just gotten. She couldn't be pregnant. She couldn't take care of a child four years prior, let alone nurturing a child while in jail. She just couldn't.

" _I should have died that night years ago. That way I wouldn't be in the trouble I'm right now",_ it was the only thing in Emma's mind as the magnitude of her situation dawned on her.

" _Or maybe I should have known better when that son of a bitch appeared in my life. Damn you Neal! You and my stupid heart. I should have never let you near me. NEVER"_ as the raven haired man crossed her mind she couldn't control the rage inside her.

She couldn't believe in how blind and stupid she had been. He was a thief, for fuck's sake! Thieves never stayed in one place for too long and neither got attached to some seven-to-eight-teen year old they had just met. The worst of all though, was she knew such thing – she was a thief herself, not with as much experience as him for sure, but still one none the less - but decided to ignore it and allow herself to trust in her heart for once and believe he would actually change his life around for her. Well, the only thing she could tell was that things didn't actually go her way, for sure.

As she tried to set her mind straight and think about what she would do, she couldn't help the flow of memories that overcame her of the same kind of situation she had been four years prior. As she unwillingly remembered everything she went through she promised that whatever her decision would be – even though she knew she was not capable of raising the child – the little one would have not have the same destination their brother did.

And so it took abortion out of her possibilities - she would never take this road, it didn't matter how much it would affect her life she would never willingly kill a child of hers.

Which only let her with one option left: Giving up her baby for adoption.

Just the possibility of her unborn child having the same kind of fate she did, though, was downright scary, but she knew she could not keep this baby. What kind of life would she be able to give this child, if at the moment she didn't even had the slightest idea of where she would go once she got out of jail? She didn't have a clue of what she would do to keep herself alive. To feed and take care of a child was out of the question.

" _Maybe, adoption is not such a bad idea after all."_ the thought crossed her mind as she slowly began settling on her decision, " _I mean, I can make sure that he or she goes to a good home, right? Yeah. That's it."_

…

The pregnancy went on normally. No complications on her or the baby. And if Emma had to be honest with herself she would have to admit that it didn't feel that bad carrying that baby – putting aside the sickness and sore back and feet, of course.

In all truth there were times when the blonde would catch herself dreaming about a life with her unborn child. A good life. A new life. More often than not she would find her thoughts drifting off to dreamland that she allowed for a few minutes of bliss, and as she closed her eyes she pictured everything so perfectly she was sure she could almost reach out and touch it.

A small town away from all the problems in the big cities she could easily find a part time job – waitress, bartender, cleaning or dare she even say Sheriff, any of those jobs would probably not pay much but it would be something. Better than stealing, that's for sure. She would rent a little house with a yard so the kid could play on the grass and have a swing set on a tree. A peaceful place where she could begin again and offer some kind of future to her baby.

' _It was only a silly dream'_  is what she kept telling herself in order to try not thinking about it anymore, because as surreal as it sounded it was so inviting that it was able to make her think about trying to achieve such goal. But she didn't want to try. Not really. She didn't want to have more disappointments and heartache than what she already had.

And so for as much as it hurt her, months later when she finally gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, she turned down the offer of the doctor for her to hold him – for she knew if she ever allowed herself such action she would not be able to let him go.

" _It is what is best for him"_

She told herself the same sentence over and over every day of her life like a mantra, knowing it was indeed the best decision for her son, but not exactly sure it was the best for her.

 


	4. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> I'm really sorry for the wait. but I had some blocking while writing this chapter, good news, though, it's the longest one 'til now. There'll be two (or three, I don't know, but it's most likely to be two) more chapters and then it will be over. I won't lie, it might take some time to finish the next chapter, I mean, I'm not even half way through it and it's already two thousand words long, so yeah. I hope you all like this chapter. Don't forget to review, please.
> 
> Xxxxx
> 
> Dark Wings...

**Chapter 4 –**   **Lost**

" _Why can't you be a good girl? Why can't you be the daughter I've always wanted you to be?"_

The cruel words of a not so distant past echoed inside of the young queen's mind, as she ran the blade through her wrists. It wouldn't chase her heartache away, she was well aware of that, but it would hurt her enough to at least make her forget it if only for a moment.

To say her life was miserable was an understatement. As if her childhood and the early years of her adult life hadn't been difficult enough at the hands of her mother, when she finally managed to escape the hell she lived she happened to fall into another one thanks for her husband, the people's beloved and adored King Leopold.

The marriage she had never wanted proved to be more than just a sad change of plans in her life. Of all the punishments she had received as a girl from her mother not even the worst could be compared to the living hell she endured inside the walls of her chambers.

-XXX-

_It was late in the night and Regina was making her way to the bed – after such eventful day filled with royal agreements she was more than willing to just drown in seep – when there was a knock at her door. Knowing that it was either the King or Snow White, she let a loud sigh before opening the doors._

_As she presumed Leopold was standing in the corridor, barely keeping himself on his two feet, impatience written all over his face once he saw her._

" _May I help you with anything, my lord?"_

_She asked as politely as she could._

" _Yes! You may comply with your wife's duty" He slurred as he stumbled inside before she could stop him from entering._

" _I know my duties and I know I must comply with them, but I am exhausted from the day's activity. I assume you can understand"_

_She reasoned trying the best she could to get the idea out of his head, at least for the night. The next day she could deal with that, but at the moment all she needed was just a few peaceful hours of sleep._

" _Of course, my Queen" he replied but before the relieved sigh could make past Regina's lips she had been forcefully pushed onto her own bed._

" _Please, no" she cried to no avail._

" _You are my wife but you seem to have forgotten so tonight I'm going to remind you of that"_

_He stated before doing exactly as he promised and raping his own wife._

_-XXX-_

It had been the first time he had acted like that – it also had been the first and only time she tried fighting him – but, unfortunately, it had not been the last. And ever since this fateful night she had tried find comfort within the blade – which worked, if only for just a tiny moment.

Some nights she would cover her arms with magic so the King wouldn't see or rather feel her cuts, other nights she wouldn't, he would be way too drunk to care about anything other than fucking his trophy wife.

There were nights, though, in which the reason for reaching the blade was more than just trying finding some twisted kind of comfort in it. Nights where she allowed herself to miss her mother. Those were also the nights in which the sharp rectangle never seemed to be enough, and so before she could even realize that familiar scar less pain was upon her.

-XXX-

_It had been years since she had last drew or painted anything but after receiving the necklace from her father - whom once had seen it immediately remembered how happy his daughter was when she was drawing - or painting, once she got older, since her mother insisted that if she still wanted to have those damn images around her she would have to learn to paint because at least was a skill she could present to her futures suitors, as a healthy way to pass her time, which Regina happily complied to, anything to still do something she loved - the swans with crows above their heads that he simply could not do nothing other than buying it for her. Anything to make his little girl smile - she just couldn't control the sudden urge of painting, and so after finding a blank canvas she began and it was as if she had never stopped._

_Quickly and unconsciously the beautiful white and black birds with crows upon their heads found their way through the canvas. Once finished she was worn out - who would say painting could be so exhausting - and so she began to put away all of her paintbrushes and paints away when the green paint spilled over the carpet. Nervously the young woman tried her hard to avoid staining the carpet but it was to no avail. Right at the moment she began trying to clean the once perfect and stainless carpet her dear, dear mother appeared and upon seeing what had happened she didn't think twice before lashing out on her daughter._

_"Clumsy idiot girl! Can you not manage to paint these stupid birds without making a whole mess of the house?"_

_Cora's tone was harsh and not even in the slightest merciful. For her it was as if the teenage girl had murdered her favorite pet._

_"I'm sorry, mother. I'll be cleaning it you won't even remember it was here"_

_Regina answered quickly as she still tried to get rid of the already dry amount of paint._

_"No, you won't. If anything you will only make it worse. Go to your room. I'll talk to you later"_

_The older woman said and dismissed her daughter. With a flick of her wrist the carpet was back to the way it was before and the paints and paintbrushes destroyed. The painting, however, in a last minute decision she spared. She had other plans for it._

…

_Minutes later Cora kept true to her word and made her way toward her daughter's bedroom. Entering it without even bothering to knock she found her daughter sitting on her bed clearly focused on the book in her hands._

_Upon hearing her mother's unmistakable steps approach her bed, Regina closed her book, and trying to contain her fear she greeted the other woman before she could be punished for not doing so._

" _Mother. You wanted to talk?"_

_She began calmly hoping – wishing and praying with all her might – that for once her 'talk' with the woman would not end up with her injured and marked for life._

" _How many times do I have to remind you you're a lady?"_

_The older woman asked harshly._

" _I know that, mother"_

_Regina stated, but flinched regretting her decision once she saw the look on anger passing on her mother's face for being interrupted._

" _I'm not done talking, but well, since you say you know you're a lady why can't you not act like one? Is it really that difficult to follow the steps and the books you've been being taught ever since you were a little girl?"_

_Anger and disappointment were clear in the woman's face. She just could not understand why the hell was it so difficult for Regina to simply do as she was taught._

" _I'm sorry, mother. It won't happen again"_

_The girl promised and for a second she dare to think it would end right there, but, of course, it did not._

" _Of course it won't, because you will not be painting anymore. Am I clear?"_

_Cora stated and it was horrifying how much fun she seemed to be having at her daughter's clear misery._

" _But, mo-" before she could continue she felt the stinging pain run from the point of her fingers to the rest of her body._

" _AM. I. CLEAR?"_

_Cora asked again stressing each and every word out and only after receiving an affirmative nod from her daughter did she interrupted the injuring spell she was using in the young girl. Finally she left her daughter's bedroom but not before poofing the painting to the room and destroying it with a flick of her wrist right in front of the girl's eyes._

_Once her mother had finally left, Regina allowed herself to collapse on her bed and cry. She did not know what she had ever done to her mother so the woman would treat her like that but it didn't matter either, it wouldn't change her life, she was certain. It was with that thought in mind and with tears falling freely from her eyes that she eventually fell asleep._

-XXX-

She admitted it was rather twisted, but for all her life, Cora was the only mother the young queen had ever known, so yes, even though the woman had not been the most caring person and she knew no limits when it came to punishing, that didn't change the fact that she was the one who raised, fed and put a roof under Regina's head, and that was more of what she could ever get.

And so she cut herself as a punishment for having never reached her mother's standards, for never being the perfect daughter and lady her mother had expected her to be, but most of all she punished herself with magic for having never been good enough to deserver her mother's love and affection.

…

As if all of those nights of trying finding comfort and missing her twisted mother weren't enough reason for her to hurt herself, there was the guilt nightwhere there was only one single, but painful, thought on her mind.

" _If only he and I had never fallen in love, perhaps Daniel could have still been alive."_

-XXX-

_The young teen watched silently as the older boy ran on top of the horse through the field. She could not contain her smile as the boy neared her hiding spot and dismounted the animal. Her smile faded though, as suddenly he went out of vision. Looking out for him she was not able to quiet down the surprised scream – which in a few seconds turned into a delightful laughter – that escape her lips as two strong arms caught her from behind at her waist and spun her around._

" _Daniel" she managed to let out between her fit of laughter and as if on cue he stopped spinning her around and steadied her on the ground in front of him._

" _Hello, milady" he greeted smiling and leaned in to capture the short girl's lips with his. Regina eagerly kissed back allowing herself the small moment of joy._

" _Hello, my love" the young woman greeted back not being able to contain the smile upon her lips._

" _The day is beautiful, why don't we go riding?" Daniel offered. The day was indeed beautiful and the stable boy wanted nothing more than spend it with the girl he loves so dearly._

" _Daniel, you know I want it, I really do, but I can't just simply disappear. Besides, when I'm with you I tend to lose track of time and if I'm late for my lessons, well, you know what happens"_

_The seventeen year old told him all the why wondering why the hell couldn't she just have a normal mother who wouldn't hurt her every time she was late for something or better yet a mother who wouldn't mind having her daughter fall in love for their stable boy._

" _Please, Regina. It's been ages since we've spent time together other than stealing kisses here and there behind your parent's back"_

_He pleaded and the brunette just couldn't resist anymore._

" _Fine, but I have to be back in one hour"_

" _Well, then it's a good thing I have Rocinante all ready for you"_

_He said as they made their way to the stables to get Regina's horse._

" _You know me way too well"_

_She replied as she reached for his hand and entwined their fingers._

…

_The entire hour they spent together felt like heaven and for a few moments Regina let herself forget of her troubles and just believe that maybe one day she and Daniel would be able to love each other without having to hiding it._

_She would give everything to have a life with no lessons, no magical and physical punishment. A life filled with love and nothing else._

_As beautiful and touching her mind wandering was, and as perfect and safe it felt to be in arms of the young man she loved so much, she also knew it could not last forever and before than both would have liked they were making their way back to Regina's house._

_Once at the stables they dismounted the horses and stealing one last kiss they said their goodbye._

…

" _Care to tell me where were you?"_

_Cora spat just as Regina went through the door._

" _I went riding, mother"_

_The young girl answered hoping her mother would drop the matter soon, but alas she didn't._

" _With whom?"_

_The older woman inquired knowing her daughter wouldn't have gone riding alone at that hour of the day._

" _Daniel"_

There it is, _the woman thought as she heard the boy's name roll out from her daughter's lips and she did nothing to hide the disgust she felt._

" _I don't understand why you insist on keeping this boy's company"_

" _He and I are good friends, mother. We both love horses, and well I like having someone to talk every once in a while that won't bring up all the balls of the past three decades"_

_Regina replied and for as much she knew she should have not answered her mother that way she just couldn't take her mother's distaste for Daniel anymore._

" _You are telling me that you prefer spending time with this peasant boy than with ladies and lords of your age?"_

_Cora questioned visibly distraught at her daughter's words._

" _Yes, mother, that's exactly what I'm saying"_

_Once the words were out of her mouth the girl barely had time to regret it as she felt an intense rip through her entire body._

" _You better keep your tone down with me, young lady. And as of tomorrow I don't want to see or even hear that you were anywhere near that boy for other than his working matters"_

_The older woman stated, her magic growing stronger as her anger increased. Despite the pain Regina still argued._

" _You can't forbid me of seeing Daniel"_

" _Yes, I can and I am"_

_At every word coming from Cora's lips made the pain the young woman was feeling grow with unnatural strength._

" _But I-"_

_Regina stopped herself before doing the mistake of telling her mother she was in love with the boy._

" _But you what?"_

_The older woman questioned quite curious to know what her would have said._

" _Nothing, mother"_

_Not answering what her mother would have liked to hear only caused Regina more pain than what would have if she had answered with the truth._

" _Tell me, now"_

" _I-I love him, mother"_

_The young brunette confessed seeing there wasn't any other way out. She saw anger and hate flare in her mother's eyes at hearing her words, and the pain that was already difficult to take became even more unbearable._

" _Oh, you love him? Well in that case you are even stupider than what I have thought. Love is weakness, Regina"_

…

_And so Regina did her best to try and stay away from Daniel, still it was no use. The boy just had a way of convincing her with a simple smile, she was sure it would be the death of her one day. They went back to the sneaking up relationship they had, and even though sometimes it got tough, they were making it, until the day Snow White came into her life of course._

_She just couldn't understand why the girl had to tell her secret to Cora, she just didn't. If the princess had never appeared – and if she had never saved the little girl from that horse – she and Daniel would have ran away together and live happily ever after._

_That didn't happen, of course, no, instead, thanks to Snow White – whom could not hold her tongue inside her mouth – all she got was a dead love, a throne she never wanted and even more misery than what she already had._

_-XXX-_

The nights when all those memories kept surfacing were the worse. It was only useful as a reminder that perhaps she was never meant to be happy.

...

She was determined to try and be happy, though. She attempted to revel in the small moments of pleasure she would have and there were times where it worked but there were days nothing would do and her misery and sorrow eventually would win her over.

She had tried with all her might to not give into the darkness willingly to consume her, she really did, but in the last time she attempted to help Snow White and to show her kingdom she could be as good and merciful to them as her deceased husband had been, all she got in response, though, was loathing.

The rejection hurt more than what she would ever admit and it finished ruining the once innocent girl and from that day on Queen Regina slowly started dying only to be replaced by the Evil Queen. A woman so thirsty by revenge, so ruthless and vicious that made entire kingdoms fall before her feet.

Everywhere she would go people feared her – from children to adults. And for as much as they had never said anything at her face she knew they asked themselves – people talk and her guards weren't any different and they usually forgot how she had ears in the entire castle - how one person could be so hollow, soulless. It was in fact a good question, but one only Regina had the answer for and it was quite simple.

" _Life made me this way, this entire kingdom made me this way by attending my wedding to the King and by rejecting me. Now you must bear the consequences"_

All the bloodshed from years to come, the fear stricken reign, and all of the misery she caused to thousands of people were nothing more than she complying with a promise she made to her young broken self.

" _If I can't be happy, then those around me can't be either. I will destroy their happiness just as they destroyed mine, if it is the last thing I'll do."_

_**Many Years Later** _

After years of trying to get revenge Regina finally got what she had wished for. Not long after Snow White and her dear shepherd turned prince got married – and announced they were expecting a child – she casted a curse – a glorious curse – one that would take everyone who had ever wronged in some way to a land where the only one to be happy would be her.

For the first few weeks it did feel good to see Snow White so miserable and with no memory of her "Charming" and of the child she didn't even know she gave birth to – the feeling was the same towards everyone who had happened to be transported to Storybrooke, Maine – but after those first days, everything was the same, yes the spoiled princess was miserable but she wasn't aware of it – Regina had wished to make her suffer and to have her conscious of it, but again it did not go how she wished for.

Living in that town did not filled the empty space in her heart the way she thought it would, her revenge had not given her the contentment she hoped it would but one day she found the answer to what would complete her – it happened on the early days of Storybrooke's 'birth', a father and his son happened to be nearby when the town was created and as curious as anyone would be they wandered through the small town, no wonder they ended up meeting Mayor Regina Mills. The father was not a big of a deal, but the little boy, well, he warmed his way into the woman's heart and it was then she knew. She had hoped they would stay, if not the father, the child at least but it did not happen and once again she was left alone.

She spent the first eighteen years of the curse searching for a child – and it had been tiresome, lonesome and hurtful search – but it proved to be worth the day she held her son in her arms. Henry, her little prince.

And for the next ten years of her life she had never been so happy.

 


	5. Twin Flames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> I'm so so sorry about the delay, but is just I struggled a bit with this and the reason why this isn't the long chapter I promised you is because it wouldn't fit well everything in one single chapter, so now this will have 7 chapters, that is two more to go. Don't worry, though because ch 6 is ready and it's 5 thousand words long. I hope you all like this. Thanks to everyone who read, followed and reviewed, it means a lot.
> 
> Un-beta, all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Xxxx...
> 
> Dark Wings...

**Chapter 5 – Twin Flames**

It had been ten years after she gave up her baby for adoption when the knock on her door in the middle of night happened. She sure wasn't expecting anyone – much less on her birthday. She had spent the previous decade alone, no one even knew it was her birthday and she herself hadn't felt like there were much to celebrate either, there was no way someone was there to celebrate with her. And so forgetting all about the cupcake with a still lit candle on it, she made her way to the door and was more than surprised to find a raven haired boy on the hall.

"Can I help you?" She asked as she eyed the boy suspiciously.

"Are you Emma Swan?" The boy asked hopefully.

"Yeah. Who are you?" she questioned.

"My name's Henry. I'm your son"

…

"What are you talking about, kid?" Emma asked once Henry's words had finally sunk in and the boy had barged into her apartment.

"Ten years ago you gave up a child for adoption. Well, I'm that baby"

The blonde wanted desperately to not believe him, but she knew, she just knew, he was indeed telling the truth. And it scared the shit outta her.

After ten years, what the hell could that kid possibly want with her? She made sure once she gave him up he went to a good family. It had been a closed adoption so she couldn't exactly know about everything of the family but she at least made the agency promise her that he was going to a good home – better than the one she would have given him.

Then why after all this time was he looking for her?

"What do you want, kid?" She asked once she got out of her musings and feeling a hell of a headache on its way.

"I wanted to meet you!" He answered and she could sense there was more to it than he was telling.

"And?" She inquired.

"And… What?" He asked avoiding looking her in the eyes.

"Here's the thing, I have a, let's call it "super power" and I can tell when people are telling the truth, and you my friend are not telling me the whole story" She said and watched as the boy gave in.

"Fine. I need you to come home with me."

"And where is home?" she dared to ask, going against her better judgment.

"Storybrooke, Maine"

...

Strange. That was how the blonde woman would comment on the he entire journey to Storybrooke – it was the only way Emma was capable of defining it. As she drove the boy lost himself in the book he had been carrying, when she asked him about it, in the attempt to make conversation and understand why had he looked for her, his answers only let her more confused.

"How the hell would I be in your Fairy Tale book?" She asked.

It was more nonsense than what she could take. What concerned her more though was the fact that either her 'superpower' was in need of serious fixing or the kid was indeed telling the truth.

"Don't worry, in time you'll understand me" those were the only words he let out before turning back his attention to the book and let his new found birth mother to process everything he had just said.

…

As Regina searched the mansion for her son and Sheriff Graham scanned the town for the boy as well, all she could think about was how it was happening all over again. How Snow White was ruining her life once more.

Ten years. Ten years of complete happiness at her son's side. No one had ever made her feel as happy and wanted as he did. No one had ever looked up at her with so much adoration and love in their eyes like he did. No one had ever made her feel so worthy and enough as he did.

She had to admit that the first few years were difficult as everything was so new, and there were moments where she wasn't sure she would make – and she had almost given her son back, but something stopped her, and she couldn't be more grateful.

She did make it, though, and her Henry – her beautiful and unique Henry, her little prince - grew up into a healthy, intelligent, kind and handsome boy, one she would forever be proud of.

And everything was fine, until the day Snow White gave him that stupid Fairytale book and her boy began putting two and two together and discovering the truth about his mother and everyone else in Storybrooke.

After that book the mayor's life turned into a living hell. Gone was the love and care from the boy towards her, all she got after that book was rejection and nights that would always end with "You are not my mother, you are the Evil Queen" and her crying herself to sleep at his words.

And it hurt her to no end whenever he would say those words to her, because what he didn't seem to understand was that she wasn't that woman anymore – well, maybe deep down there was still a part of her that still was the Queen, and besides her heart was still dark, although not as much as it was before him. But she changed and it was thanks to him she did. He made her want to be a better person – and even if she hadn't turned into the kindest human being, she tried for him -, he, that little bundle of life and joy was the reason why she decided to try and lighten her heart.

But he didn't understand that, he didn't accept that, because for him – based on his oh so dear book – she was a villain and that was all. Still, that would never change the fact that she loved him with all that was left of her.

And as she continued to look for him all she could do was hope that wherever he was he would be okay and that one day he would forgive her for having lied to him about the town and everything related to it.

…

The drive to Storybrooke lasted only a few hours but to Emma it felt like eternity. And the boy sitting on the passenger's side was the reason why.

She had spent the previous ten years trying not to think about him – how would he look like? Would he have hers or his father's eyes? Would he prefer books over sports? -, all those years working to keep every feeling she had towards him and giving him up bottled up deep within her, only to have them – and all her doubts about everything concerning the boy – to come surfacing all at once in a matter of hours.

And she wished – oh how she wished and she did it with all her might, with all her heart – she had never opened the door to him, she had never listened to what he had to say, she had never looked into his eyes for more than five seconds – because in his eyes, in his extremely fierce and confident eyes, she saw no one other than a version of her young self – the unbroken and innocent self – and so she let him reach out to her because that's what she had wished someone had done for that little girl.

And she wished she didn't care that much, she wished that even though that was the first time she had seen him in ten years – and in honesty, the first time she had really seen him at all – he didn't have this hold on her, on her heart, because sitting on that driver's seat looking at him she began to doubt her ability to just leave him again.

…

As Emma had suspected she never left Storybrooke after the night she took her long lost son home. That didn't mean, though, she hadn't tried to – not to mention the mayor's insistence on her leaving the small town.

At the first few weeks and months she wanted out so badly – for it reminded her of everything she had wanted once but never had the chance, or the guts to try, to have it. All the dreams she had for her and Henry while she was still in jail, Storybrooke was it and the little boy was living it only with other woman in her place. And for as much as she wanted to hate this woman who was not only trying to keep her away from her son but also living the life she so desperately had wanted to she couldn't, instead all she could do was thank whoever let Henry be given to her because even if she wasn't convinced about the brunette's integrity she would forever be in debt with her for taking such good care of the boy, and though she hated to admit it, and she would never do so in front of Regina, do a better job with him than she could had ever done.

In the end, though, she stayed and she was happy she did if only just to see the little boy smile at her at least once a day – and if she had to admit she actually liked the little town and its citizens, there was a strange warm and welcoming atmosphere around them that just felt right.

Unfortunately not everything could be a bed of roses and she and the mayor spent ninety percent of the time they were near each other yelling at one another and at first it was extremely frustrating and tiring but after spending a few months in a town where everyone was overly friendly towards her she began to actually enjoy having someone to argue with – and no it most absolutely did not had anything to do with the fact that the mayor was quite the sight to sore green eyes.

…

On the night Emma Swan stepped foot in her town, Regina could tell she would be losing her son for that woman – even more so after it was made clear the blonde was the boy's biological mother.

There was just something about those green eyes that although different in color were so much alike her little boy's that it scared her. It scared her she would be left behind once more, that again she wasn't enough, scared that perhaps her efforts were not enough and she hadn't been the mother her son needed – just like she hadn't been the daughter Cora wanted her to be.

And no one should ever be able to inflict fear upon the Evil Queen, and so she used all her sources to get the other woman out of her Storybrooke and her and her son's lives, but nothing worked, the blonde remained still. She made the woman's life a living hell, she made sure of it every day, but she wasn't having any of it.

The more she tried and failed to get Emma to leave the more afraid she got. No one had ever been able to fight against her more than once in their lives and walk out alive, but her son's birth mother did that every single day. She knew, oh how she knew, that she could end the woman's existence whenever she pleased, however that was the problem: she didn't feel like killing the blonde.

Maybe, she pondered, she had gone soft over the years, especially after raising a child as loving as Henry for ten years. Or maybe, and she wasn't really sure that was actually the answer, but still knowing it would make sense – even if just slightly - although she rather it not to , she just really enjoyed watching that pair of green eyes glaze with a fire, much alike her own eyes did, fueled by their daily banters.

* * *

It was on Emma's final attempt at leaving Storybrooke that the truth had finally been delivered to the young woman. On that day she almost lost the son she had just found and bonded with, but also she gained the parents for who she spent her entire life searching.

It was the day she discovered that magic really existed and that Henry had been right along by saying everyone in the town were cursed fairytale characters. For as crazy as it sounded it was truth – and even crazier was the fact that she was the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, but that was just as truthful as her love for the boy being the reason why the curse broke.

But she barely had time to process everything because not an hour after people had gained their memories they had already settled on seeking revenge at the former Evil Queen, and while Emma still wasn't sure what her thoughts about the brunette were at the moment she promised her son his other mother wouldn't get hurt and she would be damned if she'd fail.

Keeping her promise, though, wasn't easy. First was the angry mob and Whale - that thought for some reason he had the right to corner the older woman and demand her blood. Then, the Wraith came – a 'soul sucker', gift of Mr. Gold. But she tried to keep true to her word and protect the shorter woman, and by doing so she ended up being sucked into a portal that took her – and her mother – to what was left of the Enchanted Forest.

…

The day her curse was broken was also the day Regina almost lost the person that mattered the most to her, so once she got to see her little prince alive and well, she didn't care that he was the reason why the Savior was able to believe in magic and break the dark curse. All she cared was that he was well, and that she had Emma Swan to thank for.

It was probably on the moment when her son opened his eyes after Emma had kissed him that she stopped hating the blonde - she still disliked her, but she could not hate the person that had saved her son's life twice.

But she barely had time to be relieved at knowing her baby boy was alive, because that was when the citizens of Storybrooke decided to reunite and invade her front porch demanding answers – and her head on silver platter as well, although they didn't say it aloud. It went as smoothly as it could go that is until Dr. Whale all of sudden had her cornered against the wall and was ready to take matters in his own hands when Emma came into picture and, well for lack of a better word, saved her.

She had actually wanted to thank the blonde woman for what she had done for her, but having to fight a Wraith that was on a loose to suck her soul made it difficult for her to concentrate on any other action.

And just when she thought there was nothing more the blonde could have done for her – the woman had already saved her and son twice – she gets sucked into the portal in the attempt of saving Regina from the monster after her.

* * *

Emma had been back in Storybrooke for no more than a week. She was sitting at her usual booth having breakfast with her kid as he updated her on everything that happened in the small fairytale's characters filled town while Mary Margaret - her new found mother, also known as Snow White – and she were in the Enchanted Forest.

Although she had been listening to him, it didn't mean necessarily she was indeed paying attention to what he said, that is until he came across to the day in which his adoptive mother's dead love came back from the dead.

"What do you mean your mom's dead fiancé relived?", she asked completely confused.

"Dr. Whale tried bringing him back from the dead, and he kind of did, but he was more of a monster than the actual person he was. Mom had to let him go" the boy explained further and watched as his mother's expression went from confused to some akin to hurt.

"You mean she had to kill him?" she asked, and even though she didn't know why she felt her heart sinking in her chest when her son nodded yes.

"If she didn't he would have ended up hurting or even killing her and anyone on his way" Henry stated and moved on to other stories as if the story he just shared with her was just any other.

…

Later after Henry and her parents had gone to sleep, Emma just couldn't stop thinking about how Regina was doing. She couldn't begin to imagine how the brunette was feeling after having to kill the man she had loved so dearly – a man whom she had spent decades trying to avenge his 'first' death.

And the blonde had really tried to ignore her want to go to the mayor and try and comfort her, she really did – for she knew the other woman would simply dismiss her efforts or misjudge them – but it didn't work and so being careful so as to not awake anyone she descended the stairs and went out the door and into the streets of a quiet night in Storybrooke. Not even bothering to think about turning around and going back home – or anywhere else – she started the bug and in a matter of minutes she was in front of the white door with the golden '108' number on it.


	6. You Don't Have to be Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> So, first, thank you everyone who read reviewed and followed this story. It means a lot. After this one, there will be one more and we're done.
> 
> Second the bars through out the chapter are there to indicate change of days. And although it may not seem like it, the moments described happened in between weeks and a few months, only in this we only get a glimpse of the moments that were most meaningful in their relationship.
> 
> Xxxxx...
> 
> Dark Wings...

 

**Chapter 6 – You Don't Have to be Alone**

The knock on her door was steady and persistent and as she went to answer it all she could think about was throwing a fireball at whoever was interrupting her grieving, but every thought and possible actions she could have had died down once she opened the door and saw no one other Emma Swan – her son's birth mother and daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming – standing on her front porch.

Once her shock had dissipated all her defenses went up and not even bothering to greet the other woman she asked, "What you're doing here?"

Completely ignoring the short woman's apparent irritation the blonde answered the mayor's question, "Henry told me about you fiancé. I'm so sorry, Regina"

"Me too. Would that be all? I have other things to do" the brunette snapped back and as she watched the other woman flinch slightly she wished she hadn't been that short with her, but her head was so full of so many things that pity was the last thing she needed. What she hadn't expected, though, was for Emma to argue back.

"Like what? Drown in misery and self-pity? Look the only reason I came here is because I know what is like to lose someone you love and have no one you can lean on. For some reason I didn't want to let you go through this alone one more time. So, can I come in now or what?" the blonde said and she wasn't even sure why she went there or why she even cared that much, what she did know though was that the thought of letting the mayor go through all that alone made her sick and so she stood froze in her two feet until the brunette finally gave in and stepped to the side to open the door wider so the blonde could enter.

"Now, cut the bull shit and answer me how have you been holding up? I want the truth" the blonde asked making clear the mayor would have to answer one way or another.

The mayor's amusement at the woman's bluntness was evident on her face and in many other occasion she would have simply ignored or threw – probably both – Emma out but it was late and the blonde had already made herself quite comfortable on her couch – not that such thing would have stopped her – and even if she really wanted the blonde to just go away she also was tired of fighting everyone and everything and so after what felt like a long time she finally answered with the truth, "Barely. The first time was bad enough; to see him getting killed is something but to do it myself because I have no other option is way worse"

"Tell me about him", the sheriff requested once the other woman sat beside her on the couch.

For a moment or so Regina thought she had either misheard what the taller woman had said or it had been just a joke, but upon inspecting Emma's face – and honestly waiting a laugh to pass through pink lips – she was surprised to realize the woman had really meant it and after a moment or two of debating with herself she began, "His name was Daniel. He was our stable boy. I was fifteen when he came to work with us, he was two years older than me and from the first day we met I had this really big crush on him and in all honesty if you have met him by the time it would possible you would have been attracted to him, also. He was handsome, kind, polite and his eyes were so beautiful, I felt like I could look right through him every time our eyes met. And, how could I forget, he was great with horses and an excellent rider."

"Seems like he was a great guy", Emma smiled encouraging her to continue.

"Indeed he was. He became my best friend and my confident. And as the days passed I realized my crush grew into something bigger and at some moment I finally admitted to myself I loved him. He loved me too, but I only found that out two years later when he finally kissed me for the first time and ever since we would sneak out so my parents wouldn't find out, we were planning on running away and getting married when I saved your mother and well, I bet you know the rest", the last part was said in such a bitter tone that the blonde couldn't ignore the sinking feeling that settled deep inside her at hearing the words laced with grief and sorrow that left the brunette's mouth.

"Yes." Emma affirmed.

"She ripped his heart out and crushed it right in front of my eyes. She told me that love was weakness and I think she thought she had done me a favor" the mayor explained further, relieving the horrid moment of her lover's 'first' death for the millionth time.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all this alone." The blonde apologized secretly wanting to reach out to the other woman.

"I'm used to it. Ever since I was a child no one really cared about my feelings, except my father but that didn't last long either" the mayor answered, not really willing to accept the sheriff's sentiments.

Emma had sensed the dismissal on the brunette's tone, but she wouldn't give up, she would be there for Regina, would the short woman want it or not, "You don't have to be alone anymore. I mean it"

The sassy answer was ready to be spat out but once she looked up and met green eyes, she couldn't remember a time where someone had showed her that much concern for her and at that moment she felt her walls fall down just a bit and instead of a quick remark, what came out of her lips surprised both women, "Thank you, Miss Swan"

"You're welcome but I think that calling me by my first name won't be much of a problem, will it? I mean, it  _is_  shorter than Miss Swan" the blonde said and just couldn't help the small upturn of her lips as the brunette gave her an eye roll and the ghost of a small smile appeared upon red lips.

"Fine. Thank you,  _Emma_ " the former queen corrected herself and just couldn't ignore how easily the blonde's name rolled out on her tongue.

It was a couple minutes after that – when for the first time in forever silence had not been that awkward and embarrassing - and with a smile gracing her lips that Emma stood up to leave. It occurred to the mayor then how late it actually was – and how easy and good was to simply talk to the blonde.

As she prepared herself to leave, the sheriff wanted to reach out and wrap the shorter woman in hug before leaving, but not wanting to overstep her boundaries, she lingered on the door just for a few more seconds and meeting warm brow eyes she simply whispered a "Good night, Regina" before finally heading out.

* * *

"When you came here the other night you said you knew what is like to lose someone you love. Who did you lose, Emma?"

Regina asked once she and her son's birth mother made themselves comfortable on her couch after both having tucked the boy in – just after sharing a pleasant dinner just the three of them. The mayor saw the hurt flash through the other woman's eyes and for a moment she had regretted asking the question, but after a few seconds that seemed to stretch out for way too long, the sheriff finally answered her.

"When I was fourteen I was in the last of the many foster homes I lived and this one wasn't exactly the best one, you know? The mother she didn't really care about the kids, the father didn't either the only difference was that when he got drunk, and that happened pretty much every night, he would visit the girls in their rooms. When I was living there it was only me and two other boys, so…"

At Emma's pause, Regina already knew what she had meant and had to fight down the lump in her throat before speaking, "Emma, I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk anymore, you don't have to"

"No, it's alright, I need to tell this to someone one day, and right now there's no one I trust more than you" the blonde replied and while the former queen was happy the blonde trusted her enough to share her past with her – even if she would never admit so – she didn't want to make the younger woman relieve all of those memories, still Emma continued.

"He got me pregnant. When I found out I was just so terrified; I had no idea of what to do; I had no idea how to raise a child, but I would not ever get an abortion and at the time the idea of giving my baby up for adoption scared me more than anything so I ended up deciding to keep it. I got myself a half time job, and did my best to hide both the baby and the job from my foster parents and everything was going well until one day. I had just came back from the hospital, after doing an ultrasound, the doctor told me everything was fine and that I had a healthy five months baby boy, coincidence or not, I was going to name him Daniel. For the first time I was happy"

At hearing Emma's choice of name for her first son the mayor couldn't help the small smile that made its way through her lips, but it didn't last long once realization set in and furrowing her brows in confusion she asked, "What happened?"

The blonde took a long needed breath. She hated to remember that night, but she couldn't keep it all bottled up forever and there was no one else on earth she would rather share this with. There was no one else in the entire world she knew could trust this small secret of her and having used against her in the future. "The father. He forced the locked door of the bedroom and once he saw the images of the ultrasound on the bed he put two and two together, he asked me who was the father and I told it was him but he didn't believe me he asked again I kept telling it was him, he got crazy and started beating and kicking me before raping me. I was so hurt I passed out. I lost my baby that day"

By then the Savior could not hold her tears anymore and simply broke down, immediately Regina reached out and embraced the blonde and tried her best to soothe the younger woman.

"I'm so sorry, Emma, I hadn't intended to make you relive this horrid moment" the older woman whispered as the blonde sobbed in her arms and she tried her best to try and comfort her, even if she knew nothing would be ever able to erase such pain.

"That's okay. You told me about your past it was only fair I told you about mine." The young woman replied as it wasn't that much big of a deal.

"Still, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that" the older woman stated as she continued to hold the taller woman.

It was a few seconds later when Emma spoke once again, but when she did her whispered confession broke the mayor's heart "And I know I was only a child then and I didn't even got to see him, but I just loved him so much, Regina"

"Oh, Emma." The former queen whispered softly as she tightened her hold on the other woman. "He was your son of course you loved him, just because you were young and didn't get to meet him doesn't make you any less his mother. If anything this love you still hold for him makes you more of a mother than many other out there." At that she felt more tears making their way down the blonde's face she quietly muttered, "If I only knew how to make it better"

The arms wrapped around her were all Emma needed at the moment and so she enlightened the woman holding her "Just… don't let me go"

"Never" was the answer that left plump red lips before they connected with the top of a blonde head.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Regina asked once she opened her door and was met with a pair of way too familiar green eyes, though long gone was the venom behind her words.

"Glad to see you, too" Emma answered knowing the brunette hadn't meant to attack her or anything, but still she had always enjoyed their little banters.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." The brunette stated as she stepped aside and the blonde entered the mansion, turning once again to face the sheriff she asked, "Now tell me what brings you here? It's your day off I thought you would be spending it with mommy and daddy dearest"

The blonde simply rolled her eyes at the mayor's sarcasm, "First I think Mary Margaret and I spent enough time together at the Enchanted Forest, and David respects the fact I need space. Second and most important I felt like going out for a horse ride!"

"Really?" Regina questioned skeptically, one perfectly sculptured eyebrow arching.

"Yes. And no one better than you to go with me. So what do you say?" the blonde asked ignoring the other woman's lack of belief in her.

It took the mayor a minute or so to decide, but the small hopeful smile on the tall woman's face just made impossible for her to say no, "Do you even know how to climb up on a horse?"

The smile on Emma's face grew as she replied, "I'll take that as a yes"

…

The two of them rode for what it looked like an eternity. A pleasant eternity, of course. When the Sun was in the middle of the sky they decided to stop for a few minutes so the animals could get some resting before going back.

"I'm sorry, you know?" Regina asked once they had dismounted their horses and settled on the grass.

"For what?" Emma asked clearly confuse.

"About your childhood. Even if I still would do it all over again if I had to, because no matter what this curse gave me Henry, I'm sorry you had to go through all the hell you went. Even if I wanted to make your parents suffer, your mother mainly, you should had never paid the price" the brunette explained, and she meant every word.

"You did what you thought you've had to do. And I don't blame you. You may have casted the curse but you weren't the ones who decided to put me in a wardrobe. Besides you're right this curse gave us Henry, and he is worth every single thing I've been through" the blonde answered, and although in the beginning just after the curse broke she may had blamed the older woman for a moment or so, she quickly overcame that, and just as she had admitted, for her son she would go through everything again.

"Even though I was the one who raised him?" the brunette asked bitterly, turning her face away from the blonde.

Emma reached for the other woman's chin and gently turned her face so she could meet warm brow eyes as she spoke, "You are an amazing mom, Regina. Any kid would be lucky to have you as their mother. You did a great job with him. Thanks to you Henry turned out to be the kid I've always wanted him to be. He is growing into a gentle, kind, educated and caring young man, besides being one of the smartest kids I've ever met, and that's all I've ever wanted for him. When I gave him up was an attempt to give him his best chance, and I'm happy to say he did."

"Thank you, Emma" the short woman let out right before a warm and shy smile etched itself on her face, her eyes remaining locked with sea green ones.

And as their eyes continued glued to each other and matching small smiles played upon their lips, they could feel the shift in the air, and the unique fluttering in their hearts. And perhaps it was just a moment of misunderstood feelings, but their faces moved closer to each other's if only just a little, and there was no doubt that they were about to cross one more line in their unique relationship. But alas, it was not meant to be.

Had it not been for one of the horse's whining, their lips were sure to crash against each other, it never happened, though. Once the moment was completely broken, they mounted the horses and made their way back to the stables, and once they were ready to leave – after a few minutes of debating with herself, whether was or not a good idea - Regina turned to the blonde, "After today, the least I could do to repay you is inviting you over for dinner"

"Well, actually you really don't have to do anything, but since I do love your cooking I won't refuse it." Emma replied and was happy to hear the brunette's laugh before they bid their goodbyes and agreed to meet at the mayoral mansion a few hours later.

...

Just after Regina had finished getting ready the doorbell rang and as she neared the door, she had to take a deep breath to steady herself once she realized how nervous she actually was. Once she had calmed down her nerves, she opened the door.

"Hi" Emma greeted once the mayor came into view.

"Hello, please come in" the mayor greeted and stepped aside for the blonde to enter, closing the door behind her once the other woman was inside.

"So, hm, where's the kid?" Emma asked once she sensed her son's lack of presence.

"He is at a sleepover." The brunette answered as they made their way to the dining room, where the food was already waiting for them.

"So it means tonight is just you and me?" the sheriff asked and there was the small hint of nervousness there, but apparently it went unnoticed.

"Yes, it is. I think we've reached the place in our strange relationship where we don't need Henry around to keep conversation going, anymore" the mayor stated once they had settled on their seats.

"I agree with you. I would even dare to say we could be considered friends" the blonde replied, and she had to admit that saying she thought they were friends aloud to her son's mother was quite scary – just because she considered them close enough to label their relationship like that, it didn't mean the other woman agreed or would be happy about it.

But for the blonde's relief there was a small reserved smile before the brunette answered, "Yes, I believe we are"

…

"What did Snow tell you about my mother?" the regal woman asked once they had finished their meals and had settled on the living room's couch.

The question was unexpected, and Emma wasn't really sure she even knew exactly why it was brought up, but answered with what she knew, "Well, I guess not much really. Other than how she killed your boyfriend, only that she couldn't be trusted and was a hell of an enemy, though the latter I had the displeasure to confirm so. Was there anything else she should have told me?"

"No, there wasn't. That was all your mother ever knew, I suppose" Regina replied and for once she was happy no one else knew what ever happened with her at the hands of her mother, she just needed to be sure her blonde friend didn't know that about her.

Silence settled in and tension around them was so thick Emma was sure she could almost touch it. She waited for the mayor to speak again but when after a few minutes she didn't the blonde decided to break the unpleasant quietness with the question that had been dying to be asked ever since she had taken a closer look to the short woman's wrists when they went out riding, "Regina, did she ever hurt you? You know physically?"

Surprised by the question, it took the former queen a minute or so to process it, but once she was sure it was exactly what she thought she didn't know if she could tell the truth to the blonde. Doing so would imply she trusted the sheriff – not that she didn't, if she was to be honest she trusted that woman her and more importantly her son's life – but to tell the truth would mean letting down her guard and let in the one person she was most afraid to.

"I..." she began but her hesitation gave her away and sighing she decided against her best judgment she could not lie to Emma - even if she wanted to she knew the blonde could always tell when she wasn't telling the truth, "Yes, she did. More often than not, actually"

"I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to" the blonde said apologetically not wanting to cause the mayor any distress.

"No, that's okay. Every day she gave me lessons, the same lessons members of royalty received at very young age, and whenever I didn't reach her standards to each lesson she would punish me." Regina shuddered as the memories ran through her minds in quick flashbacks.

"How old were you?", the sheriff asked her tone soft and quiet.

"When it started? I was around nine years old, I think." The short woman answered and she could already feel the moisture in her eyes.

"What about your father? Didn't he do something to stop her?" the savior asked, and the mayor was amused at the woman's boldness, though she knew, knowing the blonde, she shouldn't be.

"He tried at the beginning but his attempts at persuading her only enraged her and she took out on me. After an entire year of trying, he one day just gave up. On lessons days, which thankfully weren't every day he would leave the house early in the morning and only come back at night when he was sure he would not get to witness any punishment she possibly would give me" the older woman explained further and for a moment she thought they were finished with the matter, but then the blonde asked the question she had never expected to hear from anyone let alone Emma.

"And it's because of your abusive mother and negligent father that you self-harmed?"

"I- He wasn't…" the brunette began but the look at the other woman's face was very clear that she wasn't buying. Sighing she gave in and asked, "How do you know?"

"I've seen the fading scars on your wrists." The sheriff stated as she reached for short woman's right wrist and let her fingers trace the white scars gently, in the most comforting way she could, before asking, "So was it because of them?"

The Savior watched as a hunted expression covered the other woman's face before she answered, "It was... More than that actually. It's a long story"

"I have all night", were the words that left the savior's lips before they engaged in one more night filled with stories of a hurtful past.

…

As Regina threw down another glass of double scotch – she had lost count after her fifth glass - she could feel the alcohol flood her system and her thoughts get all tangled inside her brain. It wasn't typical of her to be drinking on week night specially anything stronger than her own apple cider and outside the mayoral mansion, nonetheless. But on that night in particular she deemed it needed.

She had run out of scotch – a drink she was very fond of, even though she only drank it occasionally - long ago and had forgotten all about replacing it – its absence not being noticed until that night, of course.

It hadn't been long after Emma had left her house when despair settled in – even if it was rather late, she knew if she was quick enough she would still catch Granny's open, and she made it right on time. All of sudden it all became too much – the breaking of the curse, Daniel coming back to life only to die moments later once again - and by her own hands nonetheless – and his wish for her to love again; and as if that wasn't enough to send her head spiraling down there was Emma with her unconditional support and all the feelings she made the brunette feel – feelings which Regina just wasn't ready to face, and she did not think she ever would. Feelings she knew well but that at the same time was as foreign to her as they had never been.

Everything was working out pretty well between the two of them. They had begun understanding each other and were doing a great job in co-parenting Henry, but not only that they began forming a friendship – unlikely and peculiar, for sure, but still a friendship – that was both wonderful and scaring.

The way the blonde always knew what to say or do to make her feel better felt both great and horrifying. The way the younger woman seemed to care for her. She didn't want to lose Emma – the sheriff meant way too much for her to even risk losing her – nor did she want to be away from the savior – she had been the only friend she's had in years – but she would have to do it. And she really wished she could blame the blonde for that, but she knew she couldn't. It wasn't Emma's fault she was so easy to fall for.

And so even if it hurt, she would find a way to keep the other woman away, because she'd rather that than having one more person who cared for her, and whom she cared for, dead.

Because death was what happened to those who had loved her – except for Henry, of course, and she was very glad he was the exception to the rule. It was what happened to those  _she_ loved. But she wouldn't allow it to happen to Emma, she couldn't risk the life of the only other person, besides her son, that actually mattered to her.

…

It was a little after midnight when her phone rang pulling her from her sweet dream and disturbing her peaceful sleep.

"Swan" she said as she picked it up not even bothering to check the caller ID, her voice lacked with sleep.

"Em, is Ruby. I'm sorry to wake you, but could you come and get Regina, please?"

At the mention of the mayor's name Emma shot up into a sitting position, sleep long forgotten by then.

"What happened? Is she hurt? Is she okay?" the blonde barely breathed as she spoke and simultaneously got out of the bed and searched her bedroom for her jeans and tank top.

"Emma, whoa girl, just… slow down. There's no need to worry, she's not hurt" Ruby stated and that seemed to ease the sheriff for a few moments, but her relief didn't last long as her browns furred in confusion as she asked, "Then what happened?".

"Let's just say that our beloved mayor exaggerated a bit on the liquor" Ruby explained and the waitress could almost  _hear_ her friend's confusion.

"I don't get it." Emma replied as she grabbed her keys before descending the stairs.

"Me neither, but please come get her because she's getting all bossy around here and I refuse to serve her any more alcohol but I'm afraid she'll turn me into a toad if I don't" The waitress said and the blonde could swear her friend was really afraid of what the former queen would or would not do to her if she denied her requests.

"Don't worry, I'm coming for her" was her answer before hanging up the phone and starting the bug's engine.

...

When Emma got to Granny's she was met with the image of a very drunken Regina ordering – or at least trying to, once her words didn't really come out that clearly of her mouth thanks to the great amount of alcohol in her body – Ruby to give her one more glass of scotch.

"Hey, Regina"

Emma called out for her as she neared the shorter woman, causing her to spin the bar stool and almost fall of it. Luckily, though, the sheriff was quick enough in making her way to the brunette and caught her in her arms before she could hit the ground.

"What are you doing here Emma?"

The mayor slurred as she tried in vain to get out of her friend's arm.

"I'm taking you home"

The blonde explained once she encircled the former queen's waist with her left arm and put the woman's right arm upon her shoulder as she guided them to the savior's beloved bug.

"I don't wanna go home" the mayor half slurred half mumbled the words of her friend's ear.

"Either way you're going and period" the blonde replied sternly.

Regina didn't try to argue a second time – for the alcohol and tiredness were slowly but surely getting the best of her - and let Emma carry her to the car. The drive to the Mills house hold had been quiet and the blonde had thought the mayor had fallen asleep, that was proven wrong though once they reached their destination and she had got out of the car and was about to scoop Regina in her arms bridal style.

"No need to carry me. I can walk"

The brunette argued – seeming to have sobered up a bit - and Emma conceded, extending her hand to help the other woman out of the car, still. Surprising both of them Regina accepted the gesture and let Emma guide her until the door of the mansion.

It had been the calm before the storm apparently, since once they were inside the house the mayor decided she didn't want any more help, and so she went stumbling down trying to reach the stairs.

"Hey, Regina slow down. Here let me help" Emma offered as she touched the brunette's arm trying to give her some kind of balance.

"I don't need help" the older woman snapped as she glared at the sheriff "Let go of my arm"

Emma didn't budge though and tried persuade her once more "C'mon, let me help you"

"I already said I don't need any help. I can do this" the mayor replied, way too determined for someone who could barely walk.

"Don't be so stubborn, Regina, let me help" the blonde argued as she once more was dismissed by the older woman whom clearly was having trouble to stay put on her feet, let alone climb up the stairs to her room.

"I have been alone all these years and suddenly you show up and think you can barge in my life like this? You may be this people's Savior, and Henry's biological mother but that's all. You can't save me and even if you could I don't want to, I never asked for you or your help, so don't think you're that special, because you're not. You mean nothing"

For someone who was drunk, Regina's words were incredibly firm and precise and above anything else they hurt more than Emma would like to admit.

"You know what you're right, I can't save you but it's not because I can't is because you don't want to and I don't even know why the fuck I thought you had changed. You will always be a stone cold, soulless bitch whom is so fucking lost you don't even know what is like to care for someone's feelings. You won! I give up on you, your majesty"

It was only after Emma left that Regina allowed herself to break down. She didn't want to hurt the blonde but if she let the sheriff get any closer to her they would destroy themselves, eventually.


	7. The Lights Went Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
>  
> 
> I’m sorry about the delay, but school got in the way. Anyway, I would like to thank all of you who read, reviewed and put it on your alerts; it really means something to me. I’m bit sad we came to an end, since I really liked writing this story – this fanfiction in my baby, and it feels like I’m letting it go, you know, make its own path, and everything – but we would have reached and ending in future also. So I leave you guys with this chapter. I hope you all like it and I would love to hear what you thought of it. Once again, thank you. Oh, and don’t forget: the bars mean change of days…
> 
>  
> 
> P.S: Ryl, this one is for you.
> 
>  
> 
> Dark Wings…

**Chapter 7 – The Lights Went Out**

Once the mansion’s door had been slammed shut behind her, the blonde didn’t allow herself one single second to think about what had just happened before making her way to the bug and stepping down on the gas pedal with all her might.

She needed to get away from there and it had to be immediately. Lucky for her, her loved car didn’t disappoint her. She drove for what seemed like both an eternity and just a mere of seconds, before finally deciding it would be best to head home for the night and sleep all the feelings – anger, hurt, sadness, fear – off. 

Once at home, she tried to sleep, she really did, but no matter what the only things in her mind were Regina’s face and last words before she stormed out of the mansion. She just couldn’t understand what the hell had happened for the brunette to lash out at her the way she did. 

She thought they had made progress, hell, they both had even agreed they were friends. Then why the brunette had seemed to be so determined in convincing the sheriff that whatever they had meant nothing? 

The more she thought about it the more she felt herself break. She cared, deeply, for the other woman, she had trusted the brunette blindly – because Regina had showed her she could, only to screw it all up and remind the blonde why she didn’t use to trust people any longer. Still, she couldn’t help but feeling as if she had lost one of the best things in her life.

…

The minute Emma Swan was out of her house, the mayor had completely broken down. She didn’t want for the sheriff to go, she hadn’t even meant the words she had said, but she just was not strong enough to allow them both to continue that self-destructive relationship – because believe it or not, that was what they were to her: two self-destruct buttons ready to detonate at any time. They were the Savior and the Evil Queen, it was never supposed to work out. 

But hearing the words that came out of the blonde’s mouth – even if she knew she deserved that and more – had hurt her more than anything, and when the other woman had told her she had given up on her, that was surely when it all fell down deep inside her and she began to regret her actions towards her arch enemy’s daughter. 

She wasn’t deserving of Emma’s caring, she was convinced of it, but to lose it like that, she definitely was not ready for it, even if she knew she had brought it upon herself. With that notion in mind she slowly began her journey up the stairs, slower than usually – given her still inebriated state. 

When, finally, on her bedroom, she didn’t bother to strip before carelessly throwing herself on the neatly made bed. As she tossed and turned on the mattress images of Emma flashed through her mind, and once more that night her body trembled with the pain filled sobs that left her lips. 

* * *

 

It had been two weeks since they had last talked to each other when Emma decided that perhaps she had given up way too easily – well, that and the fact that she didn’t remember missing someone as much as she had missed the brunette. 

The days away from her brunette friend only served for her to confirm what she already knew. She loved Regina. More than she had ever loved anyone. And the more days went by the more the feelings inside her heart seemed to grow. 

Those two weeks apart were like hell to her, and more often than not she would catch herself replaying every single moment they spent together – every late night talk, the comforting words they had said to each other once they learned about everything they had went through. Every smile, every tear and every single look, it all just added up to the aching in her heart. Everything ran through her mind every night before sleeping, including their fight, and the memories of the brunette’s harsh words towards her made the tears to come to surface with such easiness that made her wonder when the hell she had gotten so emotional. 

But even if she hated crying herself to sleep, she didn’t have in her to try and stop it, because that would mean having to forget Regina, and she would rather fight Maleficent’s dragon form all over again than letting go of the woman she - had realized somewhere in between the days they were away - loved so much. 

And it was one afternoon right after her shift had ended in the sheriff’s office that she found herself on the front porch of the mayoral mansion, gathering up the courage to get back the best thing that’s ever happened in her life since her son.

 

* * *

Two weeks. Two whole weeks. It was the amount of time that went by since she had last talked to Emma – well, yelled and insulted the other woman, that is. 

The former queen had never imagined she would suffer so much for being away from the blonde. She had honestly hoped that her infatuation towards the sheriff would have disappeared after the days apart from each other, but to her despair it didn't and it was then she accepted that her feelings were much more than just a simple crush. It was love. 

It had always been there – that growing feeling between them - she concluded after one late night, ever since the blonde stepped foot in town. They had only misunderstood the signs. There was quite the thin line between love and hate, after all. And was so much easier to give the other woman reasons to hate her rather than reasons to love her. 

And give reasons to be hated by the savior was exactly what she did. She said to the blonde everything she knew Emma could not take hearing from someone she cared for – even if she had regretted and not meant it with all her heart every single word – because she was well aware of the damage it would cause their friendship, and the hurt inflicted upon Emma would be big enough for the sheriff to stay away from her and to prevent the brunette of losing another love. 

And the fear of losing something so good was why the brunette winded up miserable on her bed night after night, crying until sleep would overpower her, trying to assure herself that pushing the other woman away had been really the best idea, even if sometimes she could barely fight her want – and need – of talking to, and seeing, the other woman. 

* * *

 

The knock on the front door was way too loud – either that or the mansion was way too silent – for the brunette moving quietly around the kitchen; but whoever it was would have to try again another time. One more loud knock and still the former queen ignored it. Two more, and then it stopped. 

“Finally”, the mayor hissed under her breath. She just was not in the mood to deal with anyone that wasn’t her son or Emma – and granted the latter was probably hating her at the time being and the former mad at her for hurting his birth mother’s feeling, and the two of them were the ones who actually used to care about her, there wasn’t reason as to why anyone would be looking for her. 

After finished eating her toast and drinking half cup of tea, she ascended the stairs to her bedroom ready to just lay down and try to forget about everything that went on the previous weeks.

…

 "Maybe she's not home" the blonde thought after her insistent knocks at the white door came unanswered.

 But she knew it wasn't it, she was quite sure the mayor was home, she just didn't want to believe that the brunette would not want to see her - which was not the case, even if she didn't know about it.

After a few seconds of thinking about it, she decided to try once more before leaving, this time, though, finding her voice to call the other woman.

"Regina, it's me Emma, please open up. We have to talk"

...

 

The short woman had ascended no more than four steps when she heard the sheriff's voice calling through the front door.

"Emma", she whispered and before she knew - with a resolute and strength built out of nowhere - she made her way to the door in no time, but as she reached for the handle her fears washed over her once more and she was about to turn around, when Emma spoke again.

"Please Regina, I know you're in there, please open up."

“Go away, Emma”, the brunette said and as she did she could already hot tears being formed in her eyes.

“No. I want to talk to you, and I won’t leave until we have talked”, the blonde insisted and each word felt like daggers to the queen’s heart, but she could not give in. She was doing that for Emma, one day the sheriff would thank her.

“You don’t get it, you have to go. You have to stay away from me”, Regina pleaded and from the other side the younger woman could tell the short woman was crying and that notion plus what she had just heard made her heart clench and gave her just a bit more of will to press on the matter.

“Why? What happened?”

“Just go, please. If you care about me even in the slightest you’ll go and won’t come back”, the older woman had to fight the lump in her throat to get all of those words out, and even if she felt the remnants pieces of her heart shatter she still had to do it.

“Regina-“, Emma began but was cut off by the other woman who didn’t try reasoning with her anymore.

“Go!” was all Regina said, and she had to muster all her might for it not to come out in a whisper instead of an order, but she was able and the sharpness in her voice was more than enough for Emma to understand what she had to do, and so without any more tries at convincing the brunette otherwise, she turned around and made her way back home.

 

…

 

It had taken Emma, at least, a good forty minutes to get home, once she left the mansion. She had told herself she was only going to do one more round in the center of the small town to make sure everything was alright – but she knew everything was okay and that Storybrooke was safe, what she didn’t want, though, was to go home one more night thinking about Regina and how she couldn’t seem to find a way to fix their situation.

When home, Emma didn’t bother to even greet anyone and went straight to her room, she was way too emotional exhausted to talk to anyone, what she didn’t notice though was her son following her the moment he saw the sadness etched in her eyes.

“You went to see mom, didn’t you?” the boy questioned as he entered the room, just a few second after his mother sat on the bed.

“Kid, you scared me!” she exclaimed, having really been scared by her son, since her mind was elsewhere, but also clearly dodging the question. At his pointed look though, she knew he would not let it go, so sighing she gave in, “Yes, yes I did”

“And…?” he inquired and by the look on his blonde mom’s face he could it did not go well.

“And she didn’t see me, she didn’t even opened the door, the only reason we talked at all was because she kept telling me to go away” the woman answered and the growing boy could hear feel his biological mother’s frustration, and small sting of sadness on her voice.

And as he his brain process her words he decided it was time to give his mom a reality check, “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with her, I’m not even sure if I know what’s going on with you, what I do know though is that you two care for each other and still are suffering for no good reason. Mom always thought the Charmings as the ‘idiots’ of the town, don’t let her be right about that when it comes to you”

The shock written on Emma’s face was a clear indication of how taken aback she had been by her son’s words but knowing he was indeed right she simply argued back, “I tried talking to her, kid, she doesn’t want to, ok?”

“Well, why don’t you make her?” he offered.

“I don’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to Henry, besides she won’t pick up her phone if I call, nor is she welcoming me in the mansion so I kind of ran out of options here” Emma answered, frustration and tiredness clear in her voice.

“Well, you would have ran out of options, if you didn’t have a son who still has a spare key” the boy smiled as he reached for the key inside his pocket and gave it to his mom, glad to see a smile forming on her face as she received it.

“Thanks kid” she thanked him, getting up and dropping a kiss on his forehead before running out of the apartment.

 

…

It took Regina the double of effort, time and energy to ascend the stairs and reach her bedroom. The fact that Emma had went looking for her trying to make things after everything she had said to the woman, was rather disturbing, and had she allowed the young blonde to get inside she would be accepting what she was feeling – what she knows the sheriff was feeling – and she could not succumb to it. It was for Emma’s safety and for as much as she did not want to accept her feelings she would protect the blonde – even though, she knew it was because of those unsaid feelings.

As she slowly settled on the bed she let exhaustion take over and though it was way earlier than what she was used to go to sleep, she could not fight to keep her eyes open – not that she wanted it, anyways – and in a matter of seconds she had fallen asleep.

Instead of a peaceful sleep, all she got were images after images of Emma, and in each scenario, no matter how wonderfully it may have started, it always ended with the blonde’s blood on her hands.  

“Emma” the name left the brunette’s lips that tossed and turned on the bed, as another nightmare plagued her. And for the next moments the name of the one loved most – after her little prince, of course – never left her lips, followed by hurtful groans and sleep filled tears.

               

…

 

“Emma” the blonde heard her name being cried by the other woman, as she entered the mansion; the despair in the brunette’s voice drove her faster up the stairs and having reached the main bedroom, she ran to the mayor’s side once she saw the way the woman tossed and turned around the bed.

"Regina, hey, it’s me” she called softly, slowly sitting on the bed trying not to startle the sleeping woman.

“Emma” the former queen answered, still clearly in a state of unconsciousness, though this time calmer than before, perhaps it was the sheriff’s presence.

“I’m here. I’m right here, Gina, just wake up and you’ll see” the blonde soothed as she gently began running her fingers through black locks trying to comfort the petite woman and a few seconds later, the mayor finally began waking.

“You’re here” the brunette murmured, voice lacked with sleep.

"Yes, I am” Emma answered, a small smile on her lips as she kept running her fingers through the other woman’s hair.

“I’m sorry for everything I said to you. I never meant to hurt you, but I was just so hurt and angry myself that the only thing I wanted was to take it out on someone but I never wanted you to be that person and only after you told me you gave up on me and left was that I realized how I had fucked things up and how much I missed you. And what I said? I was lying. You’re special and unique, I have never met someone quite as you, and you don’t mean anything, you mean everything. You’re my only friend, please don’t abandon me” the brunette blurted out before she could even think about it.

After all those nightmares long gone were the thoughts of keeping distance from her son’s other mother; she needed the woman near her and since she kept reaching out to Regina, the mayor would not refuse her friendship anymore.

Emma could not stop herself from leaving a feather like kiss on the brunette’s forehead before replying to the woman’s apology, “I’m sorry too. I should have never talked to you that way either, and for as much as I tried I couldn’t be angry at you. I was hurt for sure, but after finally getting my mind in place I knew you were lying, with you I always know, but hearing you say those things broke me so much that I ignored it and hurt you back. You’re not soulless or cold, or careless about other’s feelings, you are the only who actually cares about what I really feel. I haven’t given up on you. I will never abandon you, I promise”

She pulled the brunette closer and without thinking twice embraced her and immediately Regina hugged her back.

“I missed you so much”, Emma whispered

“I missed you too, more than you know”, Regina whispered back, before apologizing once more “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

“Shh, it’s okay. Now go back to sleep.” The blonde soothed.

“You’ll stay?” the question took Emma by surprise, even though she had been planning on staying would the other woman want it or not, although she wouldn’t lie that the request warmed her heart.

“Of course I will” the ‘always’ remained stuck midway but she hoped the other woman could get it, still.

 

* * *

“You know, when I was a kid I used to always sleep with the lights out, but once I begin living by myself I was never able to get a decent night’s sleep without at least one light on” Emma spoke after minutes of silence had passed since they had woken up - after having fallen asleep against each other.

The easiness between them went back to normal enough, so that the brunette was able to reply without even having to ask what the younger woman had meant, “After coming to Storybrooke there was not a night I allowed myself to turn off the lights, so yes I know exactly how it works, although I’m not afraid of the dark, I have never been,  _I am darkness_ after all, but I just… I guess it brings back bad memories”

At the woman’s statement about herself the blonde reached for the mayor’s hand and began to slowly trace random patterns with her thumb as she replied,“Regina you are not darkness, I know it must be hard to believe in it when all your life you were treated and, I admit it, acted as such, but it doesn’t define you. You are many things, but darkness is not one of them. I do agree with you, though, it seems to remind me of things I wish to forget.”

There were twenty seconds of silence before the sheriff asked the one question Regina wished she hadn’t, “How come we were able to sleep last night, then? Was it because we were together?”

“I don’t know” the former queen answered and immediately Emma’s sense went off. She lied.

 

 

 

* * *

"What?” the brunette in the apron asked as a short and somewhat shy laugh escaped her lips at her best friend continued stares.

“Nothing” the blonde shrugged.

“You’re staring, Emma, you never stare” the mayor said, still the other woman wouldn’t budge.

“It’s nothing, really” once more Emma shrugged, and by that Regina knew it most definitely was not nothing.

“C’mon, you know you can tell me anything. So, spill” the mayor pressed a little further.

“I was just… thinking” the sheriff dismissed as if it was no big deal.

“Thinking about…?” Regina pressed just a bit more and finally the woman gave in.

“Us” simply and straight to the point, was Emma’s answer.

The answer had Regina taken aback and right at the moment she felt the air around them change. Quickly she turned her attention back to her previous activity and sooner than she would have liked she had finished her apple pie, and there wasn’t many things she could find to occupy herself with – in fact there was none.

Once she had untied the laces of the apron and discarded it, she tried to be as smoothly as possible in getting out of Emma’s sight, but the sheriff was not going to let that go.  As she attempted to get out the blonde blocked her way and out, and looking into green eyes she could tell what all this was – and would be – about.

“Emma, don’t” the short woman asked.

“No Regina, I’m going to talk and this time you’ll listen to me.” The savior stated; she was determined to fix this up for real. It had been six months since they had went back to normal, since they went back being everything the other needed.  She was tired of all this dancing around.

“When we argued that night, I’ve had never felt so hurt and betrayed, not even by Henry’s father, and honestly it wasn’t needed Sherlock Holmes to help me understand why. I knew why. I spent those two weeks thinking and rethinking, just to be sure that I wasn’t jumping to conclusions. I knew I wasn’t. When I’m with you everything is better, and when I’m not I miss you, and I missed you so much those days and knowing we were not in good terms was so damn agonizing I didn’t know what to do. I felt like the little girl I was once: lost and afraid. With you, though, I feel safe and complete, I feel at home. And you know just as much as I do that the only reason we were able to sleep in complete darkness together was because we know we will be okay in each other’s arms, that not a thing in this world can hurt us, and this is only possible because I love you and you love me. And don’t try denying it because I know you do”

Hearing Emma’s confession made Regina’s heart skip a few beats, and at the same time recoil with fear. Such occasion was the reason why she had tried pushing away the younger woman, and she was ready to dismiss it all by denying it, but her words went out faster than what her brain could work with, “So yes I love you, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are two different people that apart from sharing a son have nothing in common.”

A humorless laugh left the blonde’s lips as she answered, “You have got to be kidding me, right? All I did in this past few months was discover how much alike we are, how much in common we have”

“Emma, please, just let it go” the shorter woman begged as she stared into the eyes she loved so much.

“No, I won’t. I know you’re scared, I am too, but we can’t keep running forever” the blonde answered and taking a chance she slowly wrapped her arms loosely around the other woman’s waist bringing her even closer.

“You could have any man or woman you want, so why me?” the former queen asked in a whisper.

“You’re right, I probably could, I don’t know and I don’t want to find out, because I don’t want anyone else but you. I love you, with everything I have, Regina, that’s why” the fierce determination on her voice was overwhelmed by her love and she could see it reflected on her love’s eyes.

“I love you, too, so much, but I’m afraid, Emma. Everyone I have loved always ended up hurt, look what happened to Henry before the curse broke, or even dead. I don’t want to see you hurt or worse. Please,  _please_ , don’t love me” the older woman pleaded, her voice lower than ever before, and her head hanging low, eyes focusing anywhere but Emma.

“You can’t ask me that. Besides, you won’t see me hurt or worse, but if you keep me away from you then you’ll be hurting us both” the savior said as she gently reached for the brunette’s chin and lifted her head up, their eyes meeting.

And it was in that moment that Regina finally understood what it was really all about. For the first time in a long time she had allowed someone to see her, to truly see her, and Emma didn’t run, she did everything but. The blonde woman showed her she was capable of being a better person, that she was capable of loving someone else other than her son. But most importantly, the young woman showed her she didn’t have to fear darkness; she didn’t have to fear  _herself._

The sheriff showed her what love was really about. Emma gave her hope and dreams, but above everything else the Charming’s daughter gave herself to Regina: body, soul and heart. Unconditional love. And looking into her eyes at the moment she realized that no matter what could happen, if she took the chance and chose  _them_ , they could – and would - face everything for each other.

“Okay”, Regina answered as a small smile graced her lips and she leaned into her savior’s awaiting lips.

And when the town ran out of power later that night and the lights went out they were still sure that love had finally found its way home.

 

End!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with this story til its end!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading it!


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